I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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