If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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