did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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