I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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