The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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