my sisters under your porch take her home
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
