yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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