I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
