We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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