And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
