ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
