What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
