Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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