So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
