i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
