Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
