does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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