It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Michael Bay diarrhea
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize