Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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