we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
