Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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