who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
