True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
