the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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