i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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