Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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