i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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