I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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