i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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