We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
