Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
