Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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