tonight lets celebrate not being married
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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