smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
