I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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