I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize