"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
