I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
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He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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