Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
