just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
