Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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