Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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