i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
