True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
