he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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