I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
