Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
