butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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