At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
