Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
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You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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