My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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