dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
