do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
