I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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