Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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