The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she peed on how many people?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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