I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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