Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
as a side note pls kill me
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