fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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