Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
FUCK WHALES
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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