it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
