whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
