I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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