I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
