i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
